girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
