worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
