WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
