Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
