i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
All the doctor said was why
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
