it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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