This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
