sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
