I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it was like having sex with a tree stump
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
