I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
