I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
