Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
