So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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