I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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