And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
bring money and cleavage
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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