Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
