He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
