you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
