just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
