I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
