If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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