I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
