I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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