Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
