ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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