When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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