i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
