He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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