we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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