hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize