pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
