he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
