I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
