So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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