i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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