you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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