He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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