No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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