I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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