giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So apparently I’m into choking now
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