so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
