get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
