and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize