theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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