Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
