Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I want to fling myself into the sun
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
