Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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