my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
