so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
