I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
