Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
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Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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