DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
