when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
