he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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