I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
