So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
