I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
