So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
