I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
