Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
