Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
