This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
