Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
