yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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