If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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