I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
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