I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
