dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
