I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
