I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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