At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize