I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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